Through my 30 years working with the human body, I have witnessed many miracles and amazing growth purely through a human having the opportunity to feel safe.
I have recently been prompted to consider an aspect some in the “spiritual community” consider essential to growth: that we should all be open to whatever conversations, criticisms and messages that people offer. It is purported that this pushes you into “inner work” and an analysis of your shadow thus causing you to grow.
I disagree. Although this may work for some, in most cases, growth is not achieved in this way.
The idea of quantum relationships where a relationship accelerates us into growth without “coddling our feelings” is harmful to some. I believe that the action of not acknowledging anothers emotions can be damaging. This is particularly the case for the portion of humanity who, as a result of unresolved trauma, are unable to be illuminated or inspired by challenging “constructive” criticism, that can be uncomfortable and confronting.
Unprocessed emotions sit in your body. Sometimes these can be shifted through talking, sometimes through body work. Most times it is a combination of both. Soulskin Therapy aims to do this. The one constant every time is feeling safe. No growth will eventuate if a person feels unsafe, re-traumatised or overwhelmed.
Deep inner focussed work and confronting difficult truths can shift trauma and help us reach beyond a stagnant viewpoint, bring a re-focus and a change of perception. This involves a lot of looking inward. This can be painful and is often avoided by people afraid of facing the hurting part of their psyche that is now sitting in their body causing pain. It is delicate work.
But surgeons don’t use a chainsaw to cut a heart out for transplant. It requires a gentle approach, accuracy, attention to detail. Neither should we hope to achieve growth from callous opinions.
Sometimes pulling the threads of a pain body gently, linking each phrase to the next question, prodding without causing further wounding brings a healthier and more beneficial result. Easing the truth out into the sunshine to be warmed and softened like butter on a plate, will help ease an answer out from its buried spot deep within.
This enables a safe expansion & growth without re traumatising. It’s all in the process.
Some people won’t grow, regardless of technique. Some benefit from pain and thus hold on for dear life, unwilling to shift out of their comfort zone. Some are incapable of the levels of awareness required for growth.
Nothing is wrong. It all happens for a reason.
Most people respond better to a more delicate approach than chainsaw & machete. It’s how the nervous system works.
It’s only through healing the deepest darkest parts of yourself that you can shine the light in on the wound and heal. It may take regular counselling, many body work sessions, repeated retreats and workshops, classes and learning and hours and hours of writing, talking and processing.
Unfortunately, not all human interactions are quantum relationships which intend for growth.
For some, the messages from others are not sent with the intention to help lead them to growth and expansion, they are to intend for pain and discomfort and manipulation.
For them, the only safe way forward is to terminate contact or protect themselves. Sometimes that is completely appropriate.
There is skill involved in recognising when it is time to let go. Especially when there is an entanglement of energy from blood relatives or sexual partners. It blurs your vision so you are sometimes unable to see the abusive behaviour that is so essential to walk away from.
I believe the trick is to look authentically at the intent.
Quantum relationships have intentions for the greatest good in order to accelerate, illuminate & inspire. Abusive, manipulative, transactional relationships do not.
This level of awareness is great to aspire to, but often difficult to reach due to humananity’s complex backgrounds. Its a rare thing for people to be at a level of awareness to distinguish the two.
Be aware. Be kind. Be respectful. Allow flexibility in the way you approach each individual.
Be conscious of the safety level in the space. The Soulskin Therapy process aims to achieve this first. It is in the provision of a safe space, that healing can occur, energy can shift, emotions release from the body and growth can happen.
Even when you try to challenge and inspire, using a compassionate heart, loving kindness and unconditional love encourages change. The sacredness of pure authentic flow of energy needs to be held as a priority.
This can bring growth and encourage someone to go deep within themself to see where the wounds are. If they feel safe.